Hello friends, and all the best for 2024! This is going to be our year. I’ve decided 🙂
I’ve been very busy lately, what with family and celebrations and all that. I’ll explain a bit more about the ‘all that’ another time, but before I can tell you more, I need to finish my tale of that date I started some time in November! (better late than never!)
So let’s pick up where we left things… He had just shared that he found me attractive and our texting was getting steamier…
***
“Ah, well then, let your imagination fly…
You can do interesting things when you’re not asleep… Like stroke yourself.
You can stroke yourself and imagine I am there, licking you“
“Hmmm maybe! I have a great imagination and quite a lot of experience”
“I would have come to lick you delicately and would have made love to you
I don’t know about you, but I stroked myself thinking of you…
I would have kissed your chest
Do you have toys?”
“I do. In a case that hasn’t been opened in a few years. Not the kind of thing I enjoy using by myself… “
“Then I can help you open the box again
And have fun with you“
This felt so out of left field to me, because there had really been no hints during the evening…
“Are you so desperate, or did I really have such an effect on you? :P”
“I really wanted to make love to you. You did have such an effect on me”
“It’s been a while anyone said this to me in this way”
“I would have made love to you delicately”
“It can be nice too…” (seriously, what’s with these guys who want to do things delicately? We’ve barely met, and you want to make love to me? Ugh! I was wondering whether he’d take the hint that maybe I also enjoy it ‘not delicately’… )
“My hands would have held your hips firmly and I would have penetrated you delicately” (again???)
“Let’s talk about it more another time…”
“Do you like everything?”
“And even a little more?”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Sigh… it’s probably best if we discuss it face to face”
“I’m open to everything, all types of ideas and propositions”
Now we’re talking. Maybe…
“To everything or everyone? The difference has its importance…”
“To all ideas and fantasies. What you want, we’ll do”
“I’m open to all. And to a lot of things”
“Really? Give me some examples…”
“It’d be quicker to tell you what I’m not open to.
Humiliation, punishments, that’s a big no
Extreme pain is out too (I am already in constant pain, no need to add more)”
“But other than that, what are you open to?
What do you like?
I don’t want to know the basics
Do you like threesomes?””
“Sigh… as I said, let’s talk about it face to face. Otherwise, you’re not about to go to sleep any time soon!”
“No, please, you can’t do that to me!”
“Then imagine whatever you like, I have probably done it”
“Tell me at least one thing…
“To answer your question: I’m Bi, so yes. With more than one man too. They tire less quickly when they play tag 😛
This said, I haven’t done that in a while… “
“Do you swing? Did you have more than one partner?
If I let my imagination fly… I’d like to have a threesome with two women”
“One of my favourite memories is with a whole lot of people, men and women, surrounding me. I don’t know how long it lasted, nor how many they were. 7? 8?
But one thing’s for sure: I need someone afterwards to take care of me and glue back the pieces together. Not in the sense ‘I’m broken’, but more like ‘I exploded into a thousand pieces'”
“Did you go to clubs?”
“Another very pleasant memory, it’s the crazy weekend spent with a woman and her husband. He had invited me, for her…”
“Oh, yesssss!
It must have been beautiful”
At that point, I started to feel like he thought he’d hit the jackpot. I wasn’t sure I liked it. The next question confirmed my feeling…
“Do you know a woman who would be interested in a threesome? A friend?
Do you still go to clubs?”
“No, I don’t risk going alone. I need to know someone has my back and makes sure I have fun without risking being assaulted…”
“What if I came with you? I have never tried going to a club…”
“Also, my health took a hit since that time, and I am not sure I would enjoy it quite as much now.
But if you want to go with me, first you need to domesticate me. Make me feel comfortable, that I can trust you, really.”
“One simple thing I enjoyed was exchanging gazes with my lover while we each took care of the woman’s breasts. Complicity is the best”
“Wow! You’ve got a lot of experience! We could talk for hours, but I’m starting to yawn. Sorry, I need to go. I almost feel inadequate, leaving early! Thanks for this exchange”
Well, at least he was polite… and I was all worked up thinking back on my good times… but I’m not an arse. So I was nice
“Nah, you’re not inadequate. Just someone who has to work in the mornings and whose body allows him to sleep in non-crazy conditions. Sweet dreams!”
Rereading our exchange after getting ready for bed, there was something bugging me though…
“There’s something you need to understand: if we were ever to do it with another woman, it wouldn’t be like in most porn, two girls taking care of you. In this type of setting, I am more interested in taking care of the other woman. Since we can consider the guy would be a regular partner, I would go towards adventure… unless the woman really doesn’t do anything for me. I miss playing with a woman.”
And then I went to bed. I mean, if he was hoping for two starry eyed women fawning over him, I wasn’t going to be part of this.
“Hey Dawn! To answer your last message: of course, I don’t expect to transpose what happens on TV, and what always comes first and foremost for me is the woman’s pleasure. So of course I’d adapt to the situation and your wishes, as well as those of the other people involved. That’s what’s called being attentive. So of course, if we were to do this, you could set your boundaries and desires, and I’d adapt. It could be just as arousing for me to watch you have fun. Have a good day!”
I woke mid-morning, and looked at my messages. I was happy to read his response, of course.
“Hi Arthur! I’m waking up and I read your reply. I hope you’re more rested than I am!
First of all, thanks for taking the time to write it. Secondly… I like what you write, but I think it isn’t completely fair. Everyone should really enjoy themselves, whether sexually or other. Otherwise, the whole point of a shared moment is moot! But it holds interesting promises if you do indeed enjoy watching and giving as much as you enjoy receiving 🙂
This said, we’re still far from that point. I have a good few hurdles to overcome before I feel comfortable enough with someone (you in this instance…) to go there. Our exchange really led me to think a lot, and I realised that what I was telling you last night in the car still very much holds. I don’t trust myself enough that I will take the right decisions for myself. Or know not to take bad ones. I’m working on it, but… you will have understood that, even though I had some great experiences with some, I also had awful ones with others, in particular, my choice was often not acknowledged if I changed my mind about something. And I don’t trust myself to manage saying stop properly if I were to realise that I don’t want to do something.
So I need to be certain that my partner is really great at seeking consent at all times.
I’m not sure this is the right place/time to discuss this. Face to face might be better. Or not (it could also ruin the mood). Any how. I read your fantasy. Just know that it’s not something I’m averse to, on the contrary. And maybe, if the stars align, we’ll get there. But for now, let’s start by getting to know each other, and then if you still want to, we’ll take it from there.”
And after sending him this loooong message, I thought for sure he’d think me too weird. But I felt the need to write even more to explain myself. Sigh! Yes, my lack of self-confidence is cringy. I don’t understand how anyone could not be put off by it…
‘”Ugh, I don’t know how to do things short, and often, I manage to express my ideas better in writing… I know it puts off some people, but I don’t want to change who I am to please others any more. In my hours of need, writing has helped me a lot.
We were discussing my ‘interesting life’. It has indeed been very hectic. As is often the case when it starts ‘strong’.
I don’t know yet whether I’d want to talk about it, even if you were interested in listening. I want to leave it all in the past. But maybe I will want to talk about it at some point. It is all part of what made me who I am.
Let’s just say that because of (or thanks to?) that, I’m filled with doubts, and need a lot of reassurance.
As they say “it’s not you, it’s me” (at least I’m aware of it!). I realise that it can be a lot for some people. I would understand. But that’s where I’m at at the moment, and I must accept it. If you don’t really care to deal with a woman like me, no problem. I had a good time last night, and for that, I thank you.
If you’re still interested in seeing me… I’ll be happy to 🙂
Enjoy the rest of your day. I’ll try to sleep some more…”
I did manage to go back to sleep (it’s not always as easy as it seems for me). When I woke up a couple of hours later, a message was waiting for me…
“Hey!
Wow! you wrote me a book!
Thanks for all these explanations and for trusting me. Yes, I am respectful and I listen to my partner. And I know how to accept my partner’s choices and desires, just as much as I know how to express what I want. Of course respect is the basics.
I’m at work, I’ll finish writing to you later. Enjoy your afternoon. And thanks for all these interesting exchanges.
Right… apparently, despite my best efforts, I hadn’t managed to put him off… I sent a (quick) text back, telling him he’d made me laugh at the ‘book’ comment (I pondered, but decided against telling him I’m a writer of sorts. At least not yet). I just said ‘I know I talk a lot…’ He came back to me later that day.
“Right, I have an offer for you: a few months back, I met someone who would be interested in a threesome”
“Ok, but as I explained, I need to feel completely fine with at least one of the two partners. And at this very minute, I’m not sure I wouldn’t ruin your evening.
Also, is your ‘someone’ male or female?
Not that it would change much, actually. I first need to feel at ease with… you. “
We were both busy with our respective children, so the chatting was slower paced than the previous night. I told him about it. Not sure he was very interested, but hey… I am looking for a relationship. And considering how traumatised I still was, there was no way I was going for ‘just sex’. I need a connection, and relationship of sorts. I tried to ask him a few questions about his kids, but his answers were always short and coming back to the threesome…
He kept telling me that, of course, everyone needed to feel at ease, Then he said we could meet at his first, to get to know each other, and if the feeling was good, then we could let our desires speak.
It was starting to get annoying. I had told him many times already that no threesome would happen until we were actual sex partners, had been for a while. I wasn’t ready to ‘let my desires speak’. I had told him a few times already that I was scared of doing just that. So I wrote one more time…
“Ok for meeting at yours, but just the two of us at first. And no guaranteed result. I mean, it’s possible we remain clothed. Let’s wait and see how I feel, as you say.”
I then realised that our children were on alternate weeks. His were with him when I was free, and vice-versa. Not exactly the best option…
“I just realised that… I’m free this weekend, but you’re not. And the next, not only are my children here, but I’m also hosting a big Thanksgiving lunch.”
I didn’t spell it out, but I knew having to cook for and host 20 people was all I could do for that weekend. No way was I going out at any point. And it was probably going to take a few days afterwards (at least) to regain enough energy to even consider going out. And of course, the following weekend, he had his kids.
“It’s OK, we’ll find the time at some point…”
“Yes, one day or another…”
And that, my friends, is almost the end of our interaction. Five days later, he wrote a basic ‘Hello, how are you?” I do understand he had his kids. But he could have found a few minutes here and there to try and get to know me, if he had been interested. He asked what I had planned. I said I was going dancing. He asked if I was going with the group of singles (the one through which we’d met). I replied that no, I was going by myself, maybe a friend would join me, but that was it.
I had fun that evening, but at no point did he inquire about how much fun I’d had, or showed an interest in whether I’d had fun or not.
Three days later, he sent another short text asking how I was. I replied ‘fine, and you’. He mentioned he was crumbling with work, looking forward to 2024. I laughed with him.
Four more days and he came back with that same message. That time, he mentioned that he hadn’t heard from me in a while. I replied I hadn’t exactly heard from him either. Keep in mind I was also planning a feast for 20 around that time, I was busy with other things than a man who didn’t show much interest in sharing his life or enquiring about mine…
“Well, last time I’m the one who sent you a message…”
“Yes, it’s true… how shall I explain…
It’s not my style to write to people who don’t seem interested in what my life looks like. I am not interested in meeting someone just for sex. As I’d written in the group chat, I am looking for someone who would want to share my life, not necessarily my home, but at least my life. I’m done with booty calls. It’s not satisfying any more.
So I am looking to meet someone with whom I could exchange every day, someone who takes an interest in my life, and wants to be a part of it.
You don’t seem to be looking for the same thing. I understand. It’s your absolute right. But I don’t have enough energy to invest in a relationship that doesn’t bring me much, in the end, not even friendship.
If friendship is of interest to you… with pleasure. But for me, it means we learn to know each other at least some. Two hours spent together around a meal, no matter how nice the evening was, that’s not enough for me to want to invest more.
His reply? “Enjoy your life, Dawn“
UGGGHHH! Why was I even disappointed? I should have known for at least a week that he was really only interested in fulfilling a fantasy. Ok, I’m being unfair. He may have been interested in having sex, boring 2-people sex too 😉
But he certainly was doing the bare minimum so that I would not forget about him, but not enough to engage. He didn’t want a relationship at all, he was almost avoidant of the notion. He was divorced too, and it sounded like he was still getting used to the idea. And trying to protect himself from that hurt ever happening again. And to do so he avoided getting involved in a relationship. He wanted to remain free.
I can understand his desire. But I’ve already been there, done that. The guy who enjoys the sex he can get with me, but doesn’t want to let me know anything about his life, and is not interested in a relationship? Nah! I’ve had that for… too many years. But at least the support was good (except when it truly counted) and the sex was great. At no point did I feel like I had to refrain from sharing with him. I’m not going to satisfy myself with even worse than what I had!
So… NEXT!
Dawn's Nights 